Tom Hiddleston, books, Marvel, cute animals, food, Pokémon, Sailor Moon, history, current events(politics, what's going on in the world, that kind of stuff), among other things…
Scoundrels: The Hunt for Hansclapp by Major Victor Cornwall and Major Arthur St John Trevelyan
“Empty my tanks,” I’d begged breathlessly, as once more she began drawing me deep inside her pleasure cave. Her vaginal ratchet moved in concertina-like waves, slowly chugging my organ as a boa constrictor swallows its prey. Soon I was locked in, balls deep, ready to be ground down by the enamelled pepper mill within her.
Vaginal ratchet? Chugging? Enamel? Is this a novel or Top Gear magazine?
(that’s a steam-powered vibrator, if you were wondering)
Katerina by James Frey
I’m hard and deep inside her fucking her on the bathroom sink her tight little black dress still on her thong on the floor my pants at my knees our eyes locked, our hearts and souls and bodies locked.
Cum inside me.
Cum inside me.
Cum inside me.
Blinding breathless shaking overwhelming exploding white God I cum inside her my cock throbbing we’re both moaning eyes hearts souls bodies one.
One.
White.
God.
Cum.
Cum.
Cum.
I close my eyes let out my breath.
Cum.
Thrust, thrust, thrust your cock, gently inside her. Cum inside, cum inside, cum inside her vagina
Connect by Julian Gough
He drops the bra to the floor, looks up, into her eyes, it’s too much. He kisses her chin, her mouth, and their tongues touch, oh, too much, he slips his lips free with a soft suck. Moves up to kiss her strong nose, on one side, then the other, it’s hard and soft at once. He moves back down, till he is level with her breasts.
‘They’re small,’ she says, surprisingly shy, apologetic.
‘They’re perfect,’ he says.
He kisses them. Teases a nipple with his lips. It’s so soft; and then, suddenly, hard.
Wow.
He sucks on the hard nipple.
He has never done this before, and yet; no, wait, of course, it is totally familiar.
The first thing he ever did.
He feels the huge change in meaning, in status; it is as though he had grown up in a single suck. Everything transformed. And yet nothing has changed at all; he sucks at a nipple as he lies on a bed, and it’s eighteen years later, and he sucks at a nipple as he lies on a bed, and his childhood falls away from him like a burned-out booster stage from a rocket. Its fuel used up. He is now in orbit around a different planet.
EWW! EWW! BRAIN BLEACH! I NEED BRAIN BLEACH!!!!!!!
I should not have to say this but DO NOT THINK OF YOUR MOTHERS BREASTS WHILE FUCKING YOUR GIRLFRIEND!
New rule, boys are never to be breastfed, always bottle fed. Breast is not best for boys.
Killing Commendatore by Haruki Murakami
My ejaculation was violent, and repeated. Again and again, semen poured from me, overflowing her vagina, turning the sheets sticky. There was nothing I could do to make it stop. If it continued, I worried, I would be completely emptied out. Yuzu slept deeply through it all without making a sound, her breathing even. Her sex, though, had contracted around mine, and would not let go. As if it had an unshakeable will of its own and was determined to wring every last drop from my body.
[emphasis mine] Oh look, how lovely! Who doesn’t like a surprise rape scene?
Kismet by Luke Tredget
She shuffles her head closer to his cock, close enough to smell her own residue, and then takes it in her mouth, with the vague idea of cleaning it. Geoff mirrors this gesture by burying his head between her legs, and gradually she can feel his cock pumping up with blood, one pulse at a time, until it is long and hard and filling her wide-open mouth. They stay in this position for a long time, Anna sucking and slurping with the same lazy persistence you’d use on a gobstopper or a stick of rock. Eventually she loses her sense of the context altogether – of what she is doing or who she is with or where they are – and becomes an empty vessel for what feels like disembodied consciousness. She looks at the window and wonders how the glass feels encased within its wooden frame, what the shaggy clouds feel like being blown across the sky, what the walls felt like being splattered and smeared with wet paint …
I don’t know about Kismet, this sounds more like an update of the movie Mannequin but with Real Dolls.
Grace’s Day by William Wall
He’s almost weightless. When he enters me it hurts and my pain belongs to the subterranean world, primitive as the clay. His body is slacker than I expected, a small paunch begins at his waist and settles in a downward parabola to his groin. His pubic hair is red. His erect penis is a surprise although I had imagined what they would feel like, read about them, seen them represented on toilet walls and magazines. I didn’t see it before he entered me, but afterwards it is small and sticky and amusing. I want to touch it but I don’t dare. I don’t know the etiquette. He is twenty or more years older than me. This is sex.
This reads a bit like Cat Person if the man was a predator preying on virgins.
But let’s not forget the paunch.
The Paper Lovers by Gerard Woodward
He was aware that she was making a mewling sound as he put his lips to her tightened nipple and sucked. Her mouth was at his ear, her tongue travelling along its grooves, voice filling it. His mouth tugged at her, extended her, she snapped back, there was a taste of something on his tongue. In his mind he pictured her neck, her long neck, her swan’s neck, her Alice in Wonderland neck coiling like a serpent, like a serpent, coiling down on him. She had found a way through his clothing and her fingers had lightly touched his cock, then slowly began to take a firmer hold. He wanted to cry like a baby. He felt helpless, as though his body had come undone and she was fastening it. He felt as though he was bleeding somewhere. Then he felt powerful, gigantic. He would have kicked a door down.
Anyone else picturing him fucking some kind of eldritch nightmare?
That’s a lot cuter than I was picturing, but google images failed me.
So, who gets your vote for the winner of the Bad sex award 2018?
This is Kjell Lindgren. He’s a NASA astronaut who just got back from 5 months on the International Space Station. There are two reasons why this picture is hilarious:
His wife is flawless and makes bad space puns to make him do household chores.
I have that shirt. Thousands of people have that shirt. That shirt is available at Target. Which means actual astronaut Kjell Lindgren, with his wardrobe already full of NASA-issued and logo-emblazoned clothes, was at Target, saw a NASA shirt, and was like, “Yes, I am buying this because this is what I want to spend my actual astronaut salary on.”
tl;dr NASA employs a bunch of fucking nerds
It gets better.
Courtesy of Wikipedia, here’s the poster NASA released for his mission to the ISS:
NASA confirmed for a bunch of fucking nerds
*wipes single tear*
They’re just too beautiful.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again.
NASA personnel are, like, the top nerds. The alpha nerds. The absolute nerdiest nerds. The nerds other nerds look to for nerdspiration.
Dad cheated on mom and left her to be with homewrecker. Mom is a very strong woman. Myself and my little brother were quiet devastated. We went from having a perfect family to having to switch houses every week.
Mom went depressed but she kept a strong face for our sake. She encouraged us to be at least civil with her, so we could still have dad in our lives. I wanted nothing to do with him and the homewrecker. My little brother changed. He went from being a kind and respectful to kid to a kid with a mission. His words exactly “they’re both going to regret this”. My brother idolized my dad but now he wanted to hurt him.
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